I have no idea what I'm doing...

Clean, clean, clean

As of today,
We have a cleaning lady,
Someone who will get my house in order,
And make sure that all the mess we made,
Is cleared up.

We hired her,
For the entire week,
And will schedule her one day a week after.

I had thought I would be over the moon,
Finally some extra me time,
Without having to fill it,
With cleaning.

But I feel like a loser,
A quitter,
When I got downstairs,
She had already cleaned half of my kitchen,
Standing there with a smile,
And it got me thinking about me,
Cleaning that same kitchen,
Feeling tired,
And she did it all,
With a smile.

Which is nice,
Off course,
But it felt like I was flawed.

Our house is a mess,
A real mess,
Even after I’ve spent months,
Throwing things out,
It feels like nothing changed.

Dirty socks are still on the candle stand in the hall,
Wet towels are still on the bathroom floor,
Dirty laundry can be found everywhere,
Except where it belongs,
And beds still look like,
They haven’t been made in weeks,
Which they have,
It just doesn’t show.

One half of me,
Is very happy and excited,
To be able to go home to a clean house,
This evening,
The other half is slapping herself,
For not being able to do it alone,
To need help,
And to worry about the cleaning lady,
Flirting with her husband,
Or imagining her lying on the couch,
Watching tv,
While we are at work.

Which she won’t,
Because she’s really nice,
A sweetheart,
I’m the dumbass in this story,
Who can’t make up her mind,
About what she wants.

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