I have no idea what I'm doing...

Good intentions

I’m not gonna lie,
Most days I sart with a growl,
One that says:
“I don’t want to get out of bed”,
“I don’t want to do life”,
Waking up begins,
With the realization,
Of all the responsibilities,
I have to face that day.

Customers who need help,
Or a new hearing aid,
Getting dinner on the table,
The list sometimes,
Feels endless.

After about an hour,
I’ll sart to make good intentions,
You know,
Talking to yourself,
This is gonna be fun,
Looking forward to the day,
And the things to come.

Sometimes I’ll include a reward for myself,
When it’s my lunchbreak,
I’ll grant myself a trip,
To a secondhandstore,
Or I’ll look forward to the evening,
When everything goes quiet,
And the whole household,
Is in a blissful bubble,
And we all do something we love,
Like drawing,
Watch a movie,
Or take a good, long bath.

But most days,
I fail,
In my good intentions,
The stress gets the best of me,
Because I want to do,
All the things,
My responsibility tells me to do.

And it never works out,
I’ll get some of them done,
But not all of them.

It’s like my body,
Can’t function,
In all areas,
At once.

It’s either the household,
Or the paperwork,
Never both.

And I find it hard,
To except,
That I’m limited,
In things I actually don’t want to do.

And then I snap,
To my husband,
My boss,
Or anyone that says something,
I don’t like at that moment.

I always regret it,
Where were my good intentions then?
The ones that told me,
To make this a good day?

It’s like a wire that gets hit,
In my brain,
Scrambling everything,
And turning me into a different person.

People say,
Selflove and selfcare,
Are the basics to a good life,
Maybe I need more of that,
The only question is,
Where do I find the time?

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