I have no idea what I'm doing...

Inner dialogue

I have a lot,
Of internal dialogue’s,
I have no idea,
Who I’m talking to,
Or who’s talking to me,
But sometimes,
It’s not pretty.

My husband mostly,
Finds them very amusing,
Like it’s a joke,
I’m telling,
Sadly,
It’s the truth.

Once he realized that,
He was worried for me,
And I was trying,
To consult him,
Telling him,
It was normal for me,
To hear these kind,
Of things,
On a daily basis.

Like:
“You didn’t do that right”,
“Life is hard”,
“Nobody really likes you”,
“What were you thinking?”,
“You should just stay in bed”,
“Everyone else is better than you”,
“You can’t do anything”,
“Everyone will leave you”.

But you know what,
It’s not normal,
To allow a voice,
Inside your head,
To bring you down.

It’s not normal,
To be battered,
On a daily basis,
With insults.

The worst thing is,
That the damage is done,
From the inside out,
Making it hard,
For anyone else to understand.

It makes you isolated,
You really start to feel lonely,
Like that voice,
Is the only one,
Talking to you,
In the entire world,
Drowning out,
Everything else.

I tried ignoring it,
Like a little child,
That puts his fingers,
In his ears,
Yelling,
“Blah blah, I can’ hear you!”

But you know what?
That makes you tired,
And you can only,
Do that for a certain amount of time,
At one point,
You have to lower your arms,
And rest your voice.

I tried arguing,
“No, you’re wrong!”,
“I am smart”,
“I do know what I’m doing”,
But it just fed it,
More,
To prove it’s point,
Digging up memories,
To show me,
Why it was telling,
What it was telling to me.

But you know what helps?
You’ll never suspect it,
It’s the same thing,
That works on bullies.

Tell it,
With a big smile,
“You’re right, that was stupid of me”,
“I should stay in bed, I’m tired, thank you”,
“Yes, there are days I can’t do anything”,
“And people will leave but that’s natural”.

By doing this,
You’ll reassure yourself,
Turning the negative,
Into something positive,
And that voice?
It gets confused.

Now that voice,
Will start doubting itself,
Because it was trying,
To put you off,
But you agreed with it,
So it must have said,
Something wrong…

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