I have no idea what I'm doing...


It is well known,
That every upside,
Has it’s downside,
But yesterday,
I found an upside,
To a downside.

After my last post,
Where I wrote,
About my new friend “Panic”,
That kept me up all night,
I was at a loss,
My feelings were all over the place,
Swinging from finding a job,
To doing absolutely nothing.

And the worst thing was,
That everybody else in my household,
Was not troubled at all,
They were fully alive,
And they all seemed to know,
What they were doing,
And where they were going.

It felt like I was,
At a busy crossroad,
Where everyone knew the way,
And I just stood there,

Something changed,
Me and my husband bingwatched a show,
Till 5 ‘o clock in the morning,
We hadn’t done that in ages,
Because we always had to go to work,
The next day.

By doing that now,
I felt my body relaxing,
All the stress of things I needed to do,
That I couldn’t do,
Because I was in panic mode,

It had nothing to do,
With the thing we were watching,
It was thrilling and kept us on the edge of our seat,
It wasn’t that.

It was the memory.

The memory of the beginning of us,
When we were newlyweds we did this all the time,
Snuggling up,
Feeling safe,
Watching inspiring things on tv,
And we never cared what time it was,
Because we loved to do that.

That memory,
That I experienced yesterday,
Felt like a piece of me,
That I lost along the way,
And was returned to me.

It’s like that moment,
You see the awful critic in Ratatouille,
Relive a childhood moment,
By tasting a dish.

Our memories,
Are always with us,
They are locked in,
And we can never shake them off.

But most of the time,
We overthink the “bad” ones,
What we should have done,
How we should have acted,
Or what we should have said.

I have a newsflash,
Those memories,
Are pieces of you,
Inspiring you.

And you should treasure,
Every single one of them,
Because they made you who you are,
And they give you the power,
To always find your way,
Back home.


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