I have no idea what I'm doing...


Since I’ve been unemployed,
And the euphoria of leaving my old job behind,
Has lifted,
I have a new friend,
That keeps me up at night,
He’s called: “Panic”.

I don’t like him very much,
During the day,
He leaves me alone,
But the moment,
My head hits my pillow,
He pops up.

He starts asking me annoying questions,
“What are you gonna do now?”
“Do you know how fast your money flies out?”
“You know you have two kids, right?”
“How are you going to keep feeding them?”
“Your son eats a full fridge a day, right?”
“They need clothes too, you know?”

He drives me crazy,
And he doesn’t care,
That I wanna sleep,
He just keeps talking,
No matter how many times,
I ask him to be quiet,
Or to wait,
Until I’m fully awake,
And have a better comeback than:
“I don’t know”.

Safe to say,
He’s a pain in the ass.

But he got me thinking,
Looking up jobs,
Browsing the internet,
And he made me realize something,
I’m not ready.

My kids have two more weeks,
Until school starts,
I wanna enjoy every moment,
Of them,
They grow up so fast,
And I feel like I deserve it,
To take some time off.

And maybe,
Just maybe,
I’ll find something to do,
That I really like,
In that little space of time,
Not just a job,
But a real passion.

Something that makes me,
Leap out of bed,
In the morning,
Something that gives me energy,
A drive.

Can it be,
That “panic”,
Is just a friend in disguise?

Someone who is there for us,
To help us realize,
What we really want,
In life?

Or is the lack of sleep getting to me?




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