I have no idea what I'm doing...

Primal instinct

When I was little,
I had a great intuition,
And I followed it,
Without question.

A few weeks before my mom died,
I started crying,
A lot,
Out of nowhere,
And when they asked me,
What was wrong,
I couldn’t answer,
It was just an overwhelming feeling,
Of loss and loneliness.

When our dog wouldn’t stop barking,
And got yelled at by my mom,
To stop making noise for nothing,
I went into the garden,
And found a kitten,
Hidden under our terras deck.

And that time,
My best friend came to say goodbye,
I knew,
I wouldn’t see him,
For a long time.

Most of the time,
My intuition warned me,
When something was wrong,
Or something bad was going to happen,
And I can’t help but wonder,
If that’s the reason,
I stopped listening to it.

I’m 32 years old now,
And my intuition must be in here,
But I think the child in me,
Chose to burry it,
Somewhere deep down,
And no matter how hard I try,
I can’t seem to reach it…

But if I’m truly honest,
I’m not sure if I’m trying,
My absolute best,
Giving it my all,
To get it out of that little box,
That I tucked away so deeply.

Because after all,
Who wants a feeling,
Of doom,
Hanging over them?

Or is my mind,
Just playing tricks on me,
Telling me that it was only bad stuff,
All the while,
Just preparing me,
For what was to come,
Because no matter what,
It was inevitable.

I couldn’t stop any of those things,
From happening,
And maybe,
Just maybe,
My intuition was my best friend,
Cushioning the blow,
By letting me know in advance,
So that I would be less devastated.

And how did I treat that friend?
I tucked him away,
Like Harry Potter under the stairs,
Not giving it a second thought…

I think it’s time,
To bring that friend,
Back out again,
I owe him an apology,
And a heartfelt message,
Of how much I missed him,
And of how much I need him,
More than ever.

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