I have no idea what I'm doing...


When we were,
My husband had,
A really hard time,
With me.

I could fall,
Into a pit,
Of darkness,
At any given moment,
And I had no way,
To communicate,
What had happened,
Or how I felt,
Because I just,
Couldn’t find the words.

I would sit in a corner,
For hours,
Being silent,
Staring into space.

He sat by my,
For all those hours,
Talking to me,
Hugging me,
Not getting any response,

How he did it,
I still don’t know,
But he kept his patience,
And one day,
He told me:

It didn’t get me out,
Of my shell right away,
But he kept using it,
Over and over again.


He explained,
That I just had to change,
My way of thinking,
So that my way,
Of feeling,
Could change.

14 years later,
I don’t hide around,
In corners anymore,
Feeling sad,
Or misunderstood,
And I have learned,
To communicate.

But that “shift”,
That came only recently,
I have no idea,
What triggered it,
Because he hasn’t had,
To use the word for years,
But all of a sudden,
My brain has shifted.

Like lightning struck,
And suddenly,
Things became clear,
And so obvious.

When I wake up,
In the morning,
My mind doesn’t go:
“Ugh” anymore,
It goes:
“Damn, I’m happy to be alive”.

I wake up,
To an amazing man,
Two great kids,
A dog,
That is always happy,
To see me,
And a rat,
That loves to snuggle.

How is it possible,
That I didn’t see this,
That was right in front,
Of me,

I actually enjoy,
Making meals,
Cleaning the table,
And even,
Doing dishes,
Because it serves,
The people,
I love the most,
In the whole wide world.

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