I have no idea what I'm doing...

The dark void

I’ve been stuck,
In a dark void.

One that seems,
To eat me alive,
Slobbing me up,
Never spitting me out,
Keeping me,
In a loop of,
“What the hell do I want?”

I really have no clue,
What I’m supposed to do,
I have a job,
I pay my bills,
I take care of my family,
But is that all there is?

When I was little,
I was the rebel,
The one that shouted,
From the roofs:
“I won’t compromise!”,
A real attack,
On my father,
Who had settled,
In my eyes,
For the small stuff,
The day to day stuff,
And look at me now.

If my younger one,
Would see me now,
She would be so disappointed.

But you know what?
I always believed,
That this life,
Has all the possibilities,
One could ever want,
And that we just,
Have to decide,
Sounds easy, right?

But let that just be,
My problem,
What do I want?
It sounds so easy,
But it turns out,
To be so hard.

And I came to the conclusion,
That maybe,
Just maybe,
I don’t have to decide,
Just yet,
Maybe I can still,
Feel it out,
Discover things,
And see,
What works for me,
And then decide,
What to hold on to,
And what to let go,
Into that dark void.

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