I have no idea what I'm doing...

The fun stuff

For years now,
I’ve been looking,
For the road,
To freedom,
And I mean,
Absolute freedom.

Being busy,
With the things,
That I like to do,
Things,
That inspire me.

And for years,
I’ve found it so hard,
Doing a job,
Keeping a household together,
Making sure that everyone,
Has clean underwear,
Wondering,
Constantly,
Is this my life?

Is there nothing more,
Then being agitated,
Because my windows are dirty,
Again,
And that I need to clean them,
Again.

It felt like a constant loop,
Of struggles,
A dark hole,
Wth no end.

When I look at my kids,
Who have their summer holiday,
For two months at the moment,
They don’t care,
No clean underwear?
I’ll just wear my pajamas all day,
No worries.

What am I going to do today?
Nothing special,
Just exactly what I want,
Netflix for hours,
Or meet up with some friends,
And go swimming,
And they make it seem,
So easy,
Doing what they want,
Total,
Absolute freedom.

Why can’t I do that?
What’s wrong with me?

Turns out,
Nothing is wrong,
I just made the choice,
To focus,
On the practical stuff,
Instead of,
The fun stuff.

And you know what?
When you’re a mom,
Or a working man,
Or a student,
Who is like me,
Focusing on all that needs to be done,
One day,
Of not doing it,
And choosing the fun stuff,
Is not going to make the world,
Come to an end,
It’s ok,
Choose “you”,
And you know what?
It feels like total,
Absolute,
Freedom.

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